If you think of ADHD as anything other than a superpower, then you don't understand ADHD.
By superpower, I mean that ADHD is a mental ability that is unique and advantageous to ADHD people. This superpower is a specialized way of thinking, and when properly trained, controlled ADHD thinking allows ADHD people to excel in the arts, scholastic accomplishments, social activities, and business areas.
Q: How can ADHD be a superpower?
A: By how you approach the act of thinking.
Here are 2 different approaches to superpowers from popular fiction: Frozen and Superman.
Frozen: Princess Elsa had tremendous power, but she feared it. She believed that it was a curse, and after many years of suffering, she accidentally stumbled upon the only way to control her power (even though she'd previously been told how) after she nearly destroyed the world and turned her sister, Princess Anna, into a life-sized popsicle.
If Princess Elsa had learned to think properly about her powers, then she wouldn't have spent her whole youth hiding in her bedroom without friends or her sister.
Superman: When teenage Clark Kent discovered that he could ignite fires just by staring at things, but he couldn't control it, his wise father, Johnathan Kent, took him out behind the barn and made Clark practice setting hay-bales afire until he mastered his heat-vision.
Once Clark Kent had mastered his ability, it became a superpower, not a curse.
I learned to control my ADHD the 'Elsa way'. I was diagnosed as 'extreme hyperactive' at the immature age of 6 ... in 1964. Back then, even the best doctors in the world knew virtually nothing about my condition, and their experimental treatments only made things worse. I was one of the early Ritalin children, never dosed below 120 mg per day, a guinea pig experimented upon (for 10 years!) by medical practitioners taking wild guesses at what caused ADHD ... and when the causes were finally found, it turned out that all those doctor's early guesses were wrong.
The reality is that massive doses of stimulants DO slow down an ADHD child's brain, just not in a good way. Our metabolisms are slightly faster than normal, but no human body can endure unlimited amphetamines. Stimulants speed up an already sped-up mind ... to the point where it burns out. That was how I grew up: a pre-teen burned-out speed freak.
The first breakthrough understandings of ADHD didn't occur until 1996 ... 32 years after my diagnosis.
Between those years, like Elsa, I feared my condition. I was taught that I had a mental disability ... and I believed them. Some doctors suggested that I be institutionalized for life. Instead, I was given potent drugs that made paying attention in school and doing homework impossible, and then I was punished for getting bad grades. I lived in a 'magical' world: my level of attentiveness to reality was so low that I seldom saw people enter or leave a room - they simply appeared or vanished. Even in High School, complex thoughts were unknown to me. Since I'd been six, those drugs that I was raised on caused me to perceive reality in a false way, and when they abruptly took me off those massive doses, they took away the only universe that I knew. Quickly I turned to alcohol and illegal drugs to restore what I recognized as 'normalcy'. The massive dosages of amphetamines that they forced me to swallow, and my later illegal activities, prevented me from achieving clear, rational thoughts ... a state that I wouldn't experience until I reached my thirties.
After a decade of massive drug addiction, and over a decade of blindly stumbling through an un-helped self-recovery, I discovered tricks and methods that let me cope ... the proper techniques to make my ADHD brain work for me.
Let me be your Johnathan Kent. Let me show you the exercises and techniques that I discovered by trial and error ... in the hopes that you won't have to endure what I did.
Today, I'm a very accomplished man. I have a college degree in Computer Programming. I have won 17 martial arts championship tournaments. I have over 10 published novels. I work in high-tech and have earned the respect of my peers. I teach medieval history and mythology (focusing on the Viking and Ancient Egyptian eras). I study physics in my spare time. I'm an accomplished ballroom dancer. I design and program computer games ...
... all because I learned to turn my ADHD from a disability into a superpower.
(Imagine what I could have done with a Johnathan Kent to mentor my early years!)
Please note: Some minimal doses of stimulant drugs can help an ADHD person cope better, but until they learn the practices that I describe here, it will never be a complete remedy. The best that those who only use drugs to treat ADHD can hope for is for the ADHD patient to pass as 'normal'.
This isn't a replacement for medical advice. While the understanding of ADHD came too late for me, much of what the medical industry knows now is true has been verified by complex studies, and doubtless deeper understandings will come.
This isn't a repeat of those ADHD studies which are well-documented elsewhere. You can easily find them online.
This isn't a method of self-diagnostic; only a trained medical specialist should be consulted to diagnose ADHD, for there are many forms of autism similar to, and often confused with, ADHD. Children suffering from bad parenting can also be misdiagnosed as being ADHD.
This isn't a cure-all. These techniques may be attempted, some under supervision, but if they don't work for you, then abandon that technique. Don't attempt anything that hurts you.
I am not a doctor. I have no medical credentials. This book is my opinions and advice based on my lifetime of experience. I make no claims or guarantees that my methods will work for everyone - I just don't want others with ADHD to go through the living Hell that I endured.
What this book does do is provide a practical mental operating guide to master ADHD without drugs.
Most people with ADHD have a higher than average IQ. This is often disbelieved, but scientific testing has proven it many times. The reason it's disbelieved is because misbehavior in a public place is often obvious, so ADHD kids who remain untreated/uncontrolled are highly visible, while ADHD kids who behave in public are seldom noticed.
ADHD does not 'go away' as people get older. Older people either learn to control it, learn to hide it, or end up being removed from view of the general public and put in places like jails and hospitals. This makes it appear as if there's fewer ADHD adults than ADHD children, but this isn't true. ADHD isn't a medical condition that 'heals' itself ... or needs 'healing'.
Everyone gets tired. The more work you do, the more tired you get. One of the common complaints of parents is the intense and constant energy levels that their ADHD kids have. ADHD adults retain this high energy level. When controlled, ADHD people can achieve the same level of productivity as anyone else, only they can continue long after 'normal' people tire and quit.
No human mind or body succeeds without getting plenty of rest. ADHD people need rest, which is hard for us to get. We don't sleep well, but we must force ourselves to rest whenever we can, or we will never reach our full potential.
ADHD people have the problem of 'hyper-attention or 'hyper-focus', the ability to focus on one item so deeply that their attention on concurrent actions is lost. When attempting to focus solely upon one action, 'hyper-attention' can be an advantage. When attempting to maintain a focus on many moving, changing things, like a school classroom or social setting, 'hyper-attention' is a disadvantage.
Normal schools are harder for ADHD kids. ADHD children don't learn in the same ways that other kids do. Attending the same classes, ADHD kids take more effort to learn the same things. However, ADHD 'hyper-focus' allows us to channel vast amounts of concentration on one concept, while blotting out everything else. In certain areas, if taught correctly, ADHD kids can achieve a deeper grasp of complex and specific subjects.
ADHD people have a stronger visual acuity than 'normal' people. We have stronger peripheral vision and faster reaction times. It has been proven that ADHD people have thicker optical nerve connections to their brain. This doesn't mean all ADHD people have perfect eyesight, just that we can do more with the quality of vision that we have.
The term 'Attention Deficit' in ADHD makes non-medical people think that ADHD people have less attention. In fact, it's a difference of attention, not a deficit. ADHD people lack a 'general' attention level because of our susceptibility to distractions. In our 'hyper-focus" mode, we excel.
Current theories describe ADHD people as the 'hunters' of early man. Our heightened awareness evolved us to be the protectors and providers of food for primitive tribes. The very traits that made us invaluable in that savage, prehistoric world is what makes it difficult for us in today's society.
Self-control is the key to controlling ADHD. The techniques in this document will work for any ADHD person, but they have to be followed. The more an ADHD person takes advantage of these techniques, the more advantages these techniques can give them.
Untreated and uncontrolled, many ADHD people end up in prison or turn to drugs or alcohol to deal with the symptoms that differentiate them. Intoxicants are worse for ADHD adults than non-ADHD, as intoxicants lessen the self-control that we need.
Strict environments and supervision are best for ADHD kids. In order to develop the strong self-control we need to take advantage of our ADHD, the example given to ADHD kids by strong parenting/role models makes everything easier. Similarly, strict environments are advantageous to ADHD adults. Where ADHD adults have no supervision, they must form stringent personal habits to compensate.
One of the simplest and easiest methods to deal with excess energy is isometrics. I mastered it as a kid ... and any child can do it.
When I was young, we went to church every day. My mother would yell at me to remain still and stop fidgeting, but I couldn't. Sitting still was torture to my ADHD child-self ... until I found isometrics. Isometrics pits half of your muscles against the other half. Sitting in church, I would press my hands together, palms flat, and press my hands together as hard as I could. The harder that I could press my hands, and the longer that I could press them (without making weird faces - that's the trick!), then the more that I looked like I was sitting still and quiet ... and the less that I got yelled at by my mother.
Excess energy was my problem. I couldn't sit still with unbridled energy coursing through me ... so I found a way to vent it. After only a few minutes of isometrics, I'd expelled the energy ... and I got complimented for being good and sitting still. Only then, after I'd expelled the excess energy, could I pay attention to what was going on around me.
The same process worked in school. I would grasp opposite sides of my desk, and squeeze as hard as I could, trying to snap my desk in half (that never happened!), and that helped expel my excess energy. It didn't help me learn anything until I was done expelling my energy, but while I was doing it, it made me look like I was paying attention ... and it saved me from getting into more trouble. To learn properly, you have to sit still and control your energy level, so I first learned this method, isometrics, and that made learning other things easier.
Control your energy, control yourself. Too much energy is a great thing ... when you're playing games. Too much energy in a controlled situation means lack of control ... and getting punishments ... when you could be getting rewards.
People come in different sizes, shapes, and colors. Some people are different in how they think.
Some people are very smart with numbers; they can solve great scientific and logical problems.
Some people are very smart with imagination; they create new inventions and write great novels.
Some people are very smart with imagery; they film exciting movies and paint great works of art.
Some people think very fast; they can do all of these things.
People who think fast are different. It doesn't make them better or worse, just different.
To become successful, kids who think fast must understand how to build their thoughts properly.
Building your thoughts properly is like making a tower out of five wooden blocks and an egg. If you stack the egg under your five wooden blocks, then the egg will break and your tower will fall. If you stack the egg on top of your five wooden blocks, then your tower will stand strong and tall.
Understanding how normal people think is key to understanding how we think. Understanding how we think allows us to use tricks and processes to improve both our understandings and our memories. Improving our ability to concentrate, managing our thoughts and memories, helps ADHD people a thousandfold.
Take a deep breath, calm down, and put on a pair of imaginary 'slow glasses'. Imagine the world moving slowly, so slow that we would be constantly bored. That is, from our viewpoint, how everyone else sees the world that we share. Then watch everyone around you very closely, and try to ascertain their motivations for their words and actions. The key to understanding how other people think is to learn to observe them and comprehend their motivations. Good watching can see what people do. Good listening can hear what people say. But understanding motivations is a life-long pursuit.
Many times our guesses at the motivations of others, based on what we see them do and hear them say, will be wrong. Our mistakes often come from assuming that those whom we watch know what they are doing, why they are doing it, or that they are not hiding their motivations for a secret reason. Often people, 'normal' and ADHD, do not understand their own motivations. When we make mistakes in our assumptions, as we will, we must accept our failure, but keep going. Like everything else in life, the more that we practice, the better we'll get. Eventually, we will get good at it.
Yet the best part of recognizing the motivations of others is the power to recognize our own motivations. Understanding your own motivations is key to understanding yourself. That's the first great personal goal that you can hope for, a platform from which deeper understandings can launch. Understanding yourself gives anyone a huge advantage over others. For ADHD people, who already think fast, others won't believe how deeply you understand them; in life, that is a huge advantage.
Think about it: understanding yourself means you can grasp why you feel unexpected desires. This lets you select which desires you choose to act upon. Most people seldom do this early in life, and some never succeed. Their lives are dominated by their feelings, unplanned, and they tend to get life as it comes, and they seldom get the life that they would prefer.
When you understand people, you react differently to them. When someone is hurting, their belief in the cause of their pain isn't always correct. By understanding motivations, you can help them. When someone is being pointlessly cruel, even to you, understanding their motivations helps you deal with their problems, or ignore them, instead of seeking pointless and unprofitable revenge.
Understanding motivations in others helps you wisely choose the people that you associate with ... those with whom you would make friends. This is a power which only the wisest understand. Who you hang out with becomes a part of you, and affects you greatly, influencing your choices. Those closest to you help decide your future, so choose them wisely.
Lastly, understanding motivations helps you with relationships. Every relationship that you have ever had, with parents, teachers, family, and friends, will get better. Relationships that you form with new people will go smoother. Lasting, permanent relationships will finally become possible.
When you fully understand the importance of lasting, permanent relationships, then you'll know everything that you need to know ... and you'll be the master of yourself and your situation, and that will be one superpower of your ADHD.
There are five simple things that people who think fast need to understand:
Speak Slowly
Listen Carefully
Document Your Thoughts
Limit Distractions
Use Repetition
Talk very slowly, and think deeply about what you say. Choose each word carefully. Speaking very quickly, without thinking, usually causes problems, so speaking quickly should be avoided.
Thinking about what you want to say, before you say it, helps both you and your listener understand what you mean. Speaking very slowly helps other people to clearly understand what you want ... and why you want it.
Speaking slowly also helps you to speak politely. If people understand what you want, and you speak politely, then you are more likely to get what you want.
Repeat in your mind what others say to you to insure you that heard it correctly and that you understood what they meant, not just what they said. If you can't repeat what they said, then you need to practice listening.
To fully hear other people, listen very slowly and carefully. Try to watch the face of the person speaking; it helps you to focus on what they say. Pay attention to their words and nothing else.
When someone tells you something, like a parent or a teacher, if you can, then repeat it back to them; then you're sure to know what they want you to do, and they can confirm it. If you know for certain that what you are doing is what you should be doing, then doing it becomes much easier.
Listening in a location with background noises and distractions is more difficult, because our 'hyper-awareness' diffuses our attention. If possible, move yourself and the speaker to a quieter, more controlled location. If you can't move, then try to 'hyper-focus' on the words of the speaker.
When you are thinking clearly, write down everything that you believe is true. Document how you think that you should behave, and what you think is right and wrong. If you want to, ask others about what they believe, but don't write down their beliefs unless you believe in them, too.
Your list should cover good things like 'How should I act at the table?' and 'What should I do when it's bedtime?'. You can also write about actions that are unacceptable, like 'Is it ever good to throw things?' and 'What should I do when I'm angry?'.
When you're frustrated or angry (and you will be!), then your ADHD takes over, and then you'll make bad choices. By having and rereading your own list of acceptable behaviors, you can 'reboot' your mind, control your raging ADHD, and you'll get over your anger and frustrations more quickly. That will keep you from getting into even worse trouble ... and eventually prevent you from entering situations where you'd normally lose control.
Frequently read and edit your own notes about how you should behave, and reconsider each item often. The more that you think about how your mind works, the more control you'll have over yourself.
When needed, limit all distractions to help clarify your thoughts. Distractions, like a baseball game or watching TV, can be fun. Too many distractions are confusing and bad for people who think fast.
Some deep thoughts, like Einstein's Theory of Relativity, require long durations of thought to acquire and maintain. Some books have long and complex plots, which make us want to not finish the book. If we can't dwell upon complex thoughts long enough to fully grasp and follow them, then we'll never understand those thoughts. We ADHD people must learn to focus on lofty ideas, without our concentration being stolen by distractions, or our educations will never be complete.
People who think fast need a quiet place where there are very few distractions; it helps us think clearly. Have a quiet place, free of distractions, where you can hide when your ADHD consumes your thoughts, leaving you susceptible to emotional outbursts, and a place where you can dwell on deep thoughts without distractions to interrupt your focus.
To people who think fast, frequent repetition like "Go clean your room.", "Go clean your room.", and "Go clean your room." can make us successful. Exact repetition hammers a message into our minds and gives us a better chance of remembering them.
To people who think fast, even slight variations of speech can seem unrelated and confusing. "Go clean your room.", "Is your room clean?", and "Did you clean your room?" may sound similar to non-ADHD people, but they don't sound similar to us.
To remember something important, force it into your memory with repetition and associations. If the number for your school locker is 2-12-42, then associate something related to each of those numbers to something that you already remember. You have 2 eyes. Donuts come in boxes of 12. 42 is the answer that Deep Thought gave in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Repeat those associations to yourself each time that you unlock your school locker ... and soon you will know your combination by heart.
Remembering something that is told to us is easier than understanding what we read because listening involves multiple actions (expressions, tone, mouth moving, sounds, ...). Having both verbal and written instructions is best. Listening to another person helps us understand what they want. Afterwards, understanding a written statement or an instruction helps us because we can review it multiple times.
If you must remember it, write yourself a note. Get into the practice of writing yourself notes, and your life will quickly become better organized.
Talk with others about what you need to understand and remember. Sharing our thoughts with others helps us understand the subject in question, them, and ourselves.
ADHD people are highly susceptible to failure through unhealthy practices. ADHD People must control their energy level with exercise and a healthy diet. Sugar is energy, and ADHD people always have to be conscious of their level of energy, or we will lose self-control when our excess energy level takes control of us. Healthy foods in moderation are always best; you can eat plenty and still control your energy level.
Ice cream, candy, and sodas may taste good, but when ADHD people get too much energy, then we act without thinking, and often make regretful mistakes or cause accidents. Never enjoy ice cream, candy, or sodas before any quiet time, like bedtime, church, or school; save treats for weekends and trips to the park. Schedule your treats for times when excessive energy will be an advantage, not a disadvantage.
When you cheat, when you indulge when you shouldn't (and you will!), then find a way to expend your energy. Do things that are very physical, very quickly, and get that energy out of your system. Jumping or running beforehand can let you better deal with times when quiet is required, like bedtime, church, or school.
Organized environments work best for us. As we think very fast, it's easy to get lost in thoughts and perform actions that we later regret. The prime example of this is car and house keys. With thoughts that jump around, it's easy to set my keys somewhere that they'll never be found, since I'm not concentrating on my keys when I place them somewhere. Bills that need to be paid are the same, along with paperwork that I need to keep, and emergency items like medicines and flashlights.
A defined location for each item is best. A hook for your keys, where you always put them, quickly becomes habit, and saves you from losing them. I have a year-labeled box for receipts and minor legal paperwork, so I can easily find old paperwork from either 2014 or 2015 by opening the right box. Bills that must be paid go on my mantelpiece (where I can easily see them). Medicines all go in one drawer, and a small cabinet in my garage has everything I need if the power goes out: flashlights, spare batteries, candles, matches, and propane lantern. When I need something, my ADHD doesn't slow me down, because my environment is under my control.
Other areas of organization that help me include a place for important document, such as car titles, passport, social security card, etc., and back-up supplies, like replacement batteries, light bulbs, toilet paper, and soap. One closet should hold all your coats and shoes. If I leave my shoes in the middle of the floor, then I'm likely to later kick them somewhere out of my way, and then I'll have to search the house to find them.
A place for concentration is essential. You need to write checks to pay your bills on time ... or you get late-payment fees. Is sitting in front of the TV likely to help you get your bills paid? Not a chance. A desk facing a blank wall can help, as there, distractions will be minimized. The fewer items that you keep on your desk, the more you'll be able to focus.
Lastly, a clean and garbage-free living space is a wonderful bonus for ADHD people. We're quick to want things, and we tend to collect more junk than we have space to store. Frequently, you can tell how long an ADHD person has lived in a residence by how high the boxes are piled. A clean, empty space is amazingly freeing, healthy, and nice to live in and to show off to others. An environment of stacked clutter, in a world of endless distractions, will cause you far more problems than a pile of useless junk can solve.
Anger will happen. It will blast upon you like an explosion of mind-numbing fury. Lashing out is all that you'll want to do, usually at the source of your pain, and if that's not available, at those nearest to you.
Anger happens to everyone, but ADHD people are especially susceptible. Our natural instincts turn hurt to a maddening need for revenge, especially when injustice exponentially magnifies our rage. But, whether we are justified or not, we will invent excuses to justify our retaliations.
Age and experience build wisdom, which will help when these times occur. But you can't grow older upon command, so young people with ADHD need to learn patience.
The best way to circumvent refocusing your anger upon the wrong target is to preselect an accessible target. A physical activity is best: a punching bag, an exercise routine, push-ups, martial arts, weight lifting, or long-distance jogging come to mind. Each is an activity that has no end. A project like building a brick wall would be great, but what do you do once the wall's built ... and you're still angry? You need a physical challenge that can't be overcome or completed. ADHD anger can last days or even weeks, and our methodology must be equally long. For those who aren't physical, a favorite video game can be played over and over. A good dartboard works wonders. There's no end to the number of books that you can read.
What you mustn't do is choose a hobby that'll make things worse. Drinking is one of those, which is not only bad physically and mentally, it's likely to waver your resolve to the point where you vent your anger on the last target that you want to hurt. If you think that won't happen, think again: I've smashed my own computers, furniture, punched holes in walls, and screamed at those I've loved, and nearly wrecked my life each time. Don't do what I did.
Don't keep your method a secret. Those who know and love you will aid you in redirecting your anger to an acceptable punching-bag or, when not at home, make you do your push-ups. However, anger can strike anywhere, and stern resolve isn't instantaneous. Resolve must be learned and practiced. You must be ready at any time to assume adamant control over your anger, and if nothing else is available, force yourself to stand rigid and do nothing, even when every cell in your body is screaming for you to do something, because without control, you will probably do the wrong thing ... and later regret it. Practice control ... or you will lose it at the wrong time and in the wrong way.
As sure as anger can destroy us, ADHD people can be blinded by affection. We love deeply, preferring close, trusting relationships, and sometimes this works to our detriment. We form relationships quickly, and sometimes, too fast. Not everyone is what they first seem, and we need to slow down our natural impulse to trust others.
Trust is great when you know the object of your trust well ... which requires a long period of time. There's also a vast difference between thinking that you can trust someone and knowing that you can trust them. Many people actively seek to appear trustworthy, especially those who are not (like salesmen and politicians!). But how do you know the difference?
Simple: Think about how long it takes to truly establish a proven relationship, and learn to give your trust only after that set time. For a possible friend, getting to really know someone must take months, so we must wait that long to know that we can trust them. Romantic relationships can take even longer.
Where business relationships require quick action, adults with ADHD must learn to investigate people's history and past actions - chances are that those actions will be repeated.
Experience will prove out. You can't have known someone long and closely enough to trust them until you've had a lot of shared experiences. After you've seen someone at their best and at their worst, then you'll know them well enough to predict their reactions. That knowledge of them is required before you trust them implicitly. You also need to witness how they treat others, both their superiors and their inferiors; if they treat different groups differently, then chances are that they're doing the same to you, and you don't know how they behave when you're not around.
Never trust until you know for certain that you can trust them, and that proof takes time.
Our ADHD ability to spot things that others don't notice gives us the 'superpower' of 'hyper-observation', which allows us to see clues that others might miss. Once we learn to interpret those clues, we'll achieve a form of 'hyper-awareness', which could give us a clear advantage in almost any situation.
Practicing true trust will also enhance your 'superpower'. Knowing who you can trust and who you can't gives you distinct advantages in any social gathering.
Our ADHD enhanced ability to react almost instantly is a huge advantage in an active situation, especially in the midst of a crisis. ADHD people who have learned to control their thoughts can quickly evaluate a situation and devise the correct reaction, and that is a 'superpower' that some normal people never develop.
Thinking fast enables us to read fast. At first, our lack of control makes reading difficult, but as we practice and mature, once we have developed self-control, ADHD people can read incredibly fast. Our readings can be novels or business reports, and our 'hyper-focus' allows us to deeply capture what we are reading. Being well-read is a superpower unto itself, as experiencing the world through the thoughts of others, even fictional characters, helps us know how to react when we are faced with unexpected situations. (Reading a person's thoughts is much deeper and more rewarding to AHDH people than just watching their actions in a movie or on TV.) Well-read people always have something interesting to talk about at social gatherings, and they tend to be respected. In the scholastic and business worlds, rapid reading skills, combined with 'hyper-focus', presents opportunities for advancements that might otherwise go to others. In every case, reading a lot helps, even for 'normal' people ... but controlled ADHD people have a natural reading advantage.
Society offers countless false rewards. False rewards are benefits that people give you, that may feel good at the moment, but will hurt you in the long run.
For example, if you do silly, stupid things just for fun, then people will laugh. Laughter is a form of attention, which most people like, so their laughter becomes your reward for doing silly, stupid things. However, attention is not the same as caring. You may be gaining their attention, but you won't be gaining their respect or their friendship. You can't become everyone's friend by being everyone's fool.
Giving gifts will quickly make you popular. However, popularity bought by gifts isn't friendship or devotion. Greedy people will use you just to get your gifts. When you stop giving them gifts, then those same people, who were your best friends when you were buying their attention, will suddenly despise you. Why? Because they have no respect for you. Unless they are exceptionally stupid, they knew that you were buying their attention. From their perspective, you were so stupid that you allowed them to profit from you while you gained nothing from them, and once your relationship became unprofitable to them, they had no use for you. What you really bought with your gifts was your poverty and their contempt.
Peer pressure is a reverse-reward. You feel bad because you are being pressured, and the more that you conform to the wishes of others, the less pressure you feel. This is called 'Negative Feedback Conditioning', which is the same method used when you train a dog to jump through a hoop by hitting it with a leather riding crop every time that they don't jump through the hoop on command. You must be careful to be your own master, or peer pressure will always master you.
Joining a club or group is fun, yet you must be careful of the group. Most groups will want you to join them. Your participation is seen by others as validation for their choice to belong to that group - your presence means that another person supports their principals, which makes them feel better about themselves. They will say nice things to keep you attending their events, in order to keep feeling good about themselves, but they may not like you or respect you. They are using you to support their cause, beliefs, or personal good feelings.
Leaders are especially dangerous. Leaders want followers, and estimate their strength by the numbers of people who follow them and how obedient their followers are to whatever they say. Leaders will fawn over you, praise you, always include you, share secrets with you, and make infinite promises to you ... most of which will turn out to be lies ... just to get you into their following. Leaders know that, once someone consciously becomes their follower, peer pressure from their other followers are likely to keep you from ever leaving their leadership, despite that you quickly feel ashamed of being associated with them.
Drinking alcohol in groups is a social activity. If everyone is drinking alcohol, and they believe that they are 'cool', then obviously you will appear 'cool' when you behave as they do. Yet, as an ADHD person, alcohol is especially dangerous. All ADHD people must master 'Impulse Control', and most drugs and alcohol reduce 'Impulse Control'. This doesn't mean that we ADHD people can't ever drink alcohol, but we must always drink slowly, and less than others do, in order to maintain our badly-needed self-control. Others will pressure us to overindulge, but they are doing that for their benefit, not for ours. Take my advice (I learned the hard way!): The ultimate high, and the ultimate inebriation, is in truth the ultimate low. Let others drink themselves into oblivion, and watch what happens to them when they do. Once you see inebriation for what it truly is, then you won't want it.
Drugs are exactly the same, but more insidious. People will make you great promises of how wonderful you'll feel when you're doing drugs ... to get you to take drugs. Some will want your support for their own choices, to feel good about themselves, and others will want to sell you drugs, so that they can profit from your stupidity. Time is the enemy of the drug-user. Drug-users hate time, and use drugs to reduce their awareness of time as it passes. When sober, people have the time and ability to truly look at themselves clearly and honestly, and let's face it: we all have faults. Some people have succumbed to so many bad choices that, when they do look at themselves, all that they see are faults, and they are ashamed to look at themselves. Drugs partly make us feel wonderful by limiting our current awareness, so our faults seem to 'magically float away' - that is the reward of drugs. However, as you know, drugs do nothing to solve real problems, so when the drugs wear off, then your problems will still be there, and may have grown worse, because problems fester when left unattended. Yes, drugs will make you feel wonderful - that's the trap, the temporary reward. But real rewards are permanent or meaningful, and the only permanent reward of drugs are failure, poverty, and death.
Beware: some people will brag that they are able to handle excessive drug or alcohol use. Don't believe them. If they could really control chemical reactions, then they could turn water into wine. (Feel free to put them to that test! I'll bet that they fail!)
Excitement can become an addiction. Gamboling, stealing, taking dangerous risks in order to profit from them, is a powerful and insidious reward. Sometimes you will succeed - that's the reward. However, eventually, everyone loses. The rewards that you win when you succeed are seldom worth the losses that you suffer when you lose. Anything that is thrilling can feel like a reward, even something as simple as playing a video game. Now, I love games, but even games have a cost; while playing a game, time passes, and you get nothing real accomplished during that time. You don't get that time back when the game is done. Thus, playing a game all day, or even all weekend, is definitely fun ... if you can afford to waste the time. However, spending years playing video games will be fun, but someday you may realize that you spent years accomplishing nothing - you didn't improve your life or yourself - and you may regret that time wasted playing games, because you'll never get to push a 'Replay' button and get to relive your life in a more-profitable way.
Lastly, I wish to speak of the worst reward of all. Success: yes, success can be a False Reward. All of the methods I described above will give you rewards quickly and easily, a lot more easily than doing the work to earn those same rewards. However, the difference is that the respect that you gain from hard-earned accomplishments lasts forever - you don't have to keep buying it. The profits that you gain, from taking the hard route, is the experience to know what's best for you, so that you don't keep repeating the same mistakes. In all of the above methods, if you only look at short-term gain, each of them will profit you greatly. However, as an ADHD person, in order to get what you want out of life, you need to focus on the long term.
Believe me: I didn't get warnings like this when I was young. I've tried each of these False Rewards, and I can tell you from experience, none of them worked out or helped me in the long run. Of course, when I was young, I never expected that I'd live long, as I took so many risks. My belief that I was going to die early gave me the freedom to take stupid risks - that was the reward. However, that belief proved itself to be completely wrong, as most of the beliefs of children eventually prove. Don't fall into the same traps that I did - recognize a False Reward for what it is ... bait that you will someday regret taking.
All people have great talents and weaknesses, even ADHD people. Some things come easier to us than to others, and some things we can do when we're forced to, but we will always hate doing them. That which comes easy to us, and that which we hate, are clues to our superpowers.
We could all do pretty much anything, but all people trend toward doing those things for which we have talent. Given a block of stone, a hammer, and a chisel, we could all make something, usually a mess, but someone with a talent for sculpture will be able to produce something impressive - that is their superpower. However, if a masterful sculptor is never given the materials to attempt their craft, then they will never discover their superpower - they may live a long life having never known the skill that could have made them famous ... or at least, happy.
In this respect, 'normal' people and ADHD people are exactly the same: we are all different. We may think in the same methodology, but that doesn't mean that we think the same thoughts or share the same feelings. One rule of thumb: as different as everyone looks on the outside, that's nothing compared to how different we all are on the inside. We live in a world of totally unique people, and that includes us. Just because one ADHD person like action movies and violent video games doesn't mean that all of us do. Our shared skills that may make one ADHD person a successful hunter may make another ADHD person a skilled poet. It's not a question of what our shared skills are as much as how we each apply them.
Finding your personal superpower is easy: try everything, and see if you like it. Many people say that I write very well, but those who know me don't eat food that I cook - I can barely use a toaster oven. I don't resent not being a good cook. I keep my life in perspective. The number of things I excel at exceed the number of things that I suck at, and that's a good balance to have.
Take the fictional secret agent .007, James Bond, licensed to kill. Experts in military personnel will gladly tell you that they have people with all his skills. The military boasts members who are excellent marksmen, who can shoot both quickly and accurately, drive any vehicles (cars, tanks, submarines, jet fighter planes), do underwater demolition, pilot a space ship, fight hand-to-hand against multiple attackers, lift seemingly impossible weights, speak dozens of languages, jump like an acrobat, practice every martial art, understand chemistry, molecular biology, and physics, launch a nuclear missile, perform amazing mathematical calculations in their heads, masterfully plan any strategy, and out-think most of their opponents. Although fewer, they also have people who gamble well, are smooth-talkers, are highly educated and sophisticated, have a vast abundance of class, and appear to drink at every opportunity while never seeming to eat anything. However, no one has all these skills! Usually, an expert in one so fully devotes themselves to it that they tend to disregard the practices required to be an expert in the others. If anyone could do all these things, they it's unlikely that they would ever become an expert at any of them.
Be mindful; first attempts are rarely masterpieces. Someone with a talent for architecture may not design the perfect building on their first attempt. A superpower is a natural talent that is enhanced by study, hard work, and most importantly, constant practice. If you are waiting for a superpower like Wolverine or Storm, then you will be waiting in vain for a very long time. You need to find your talents and, from them, build the superpowers of which you are capable.
ADHD people have talents ... and we have the skills to make our talents into superpowers. To find our talents, we need to experiment, try all sorts of activities - you never know if you have talent at something until you try doing it.
Ask yourself this: what skill have I never tried?
Then go and try it.
Anyone can build a superpower, but ADHD people have 'hyper-focus', 'hyper-attention', and other traits that help us develop our abilities to hyper-levels.
Once you find your talent, remember that you're not done. Chances are that you have more than one talent, and you need to find the talent that makes you happy and a talent that is profitable. Not all talents are profitable; I have an ear for songs, and can walk out of a new Disney movie singing the songs that I hadn't heard before I watched the movie. If you can think of a way to profit from that, then please tell me what it is. However, I have made this skill pay off - my ear and a memory for music is useful. A lot of tiny bits of education can be learned through songs. I can recite all the School-House Rock songs, and a lot of Animaniacs songs had educational value, and I can remember them all, even those that I haven't heard for decades. I once impressed the CEO of a Fortune 500 company with my recitation of the preamble to the U.S. Constitution, which I learned as a child listening to educational music videos. You never know when knowledge will pay off.
Having tried as many skills and activities as you can, you'll have a clue as to what your talents are. Now the work begins: chances are that there have been others with talents in the same area. You need to research them. If you've discovered that you're an excellent dancer, you might want to do a brief study of each famous dancer; you'll learn tricks to use your talent in ways that might have taken you years to learn on your own. If you've discovered that you have a gift for helping others, you could become a doctor, nurse, or therapist; you need to know what specialty sub-fields exist in each, and what types and levels of education they require. You might find that you have a physical talent, such as throwing a football, and study about training methods to give you the physique needed to play in a professional sports league.
Once you know what your talents are, then you must make a choice, and then stick with it. The goal of developing a superpower is to be the best, and that's never easy. There are others with similar talents, and they might be trying harder to improve themselves than you. Those who were once experts may have written books containing their experiences, trials, failures, and successes, and you could add their knowledge to yours simply by reading what they wrote. Change happens in everything, and you will need to stay aware of the constantly evolving trends and discoveries in the field that you chose.
This is where ADHD becomes best and most-effective: we can focus so deeply that most people don't understand how we think. With the self-control spoken about throughout this document, combined with a goal that we desire to accomplish, our ADHD becomes a distinct advantage. We can achieve success at specialized tasks that others might find impossible, because the gifts that we were born with, the traits we inherited from our primitive ancestors, make our superpowers not only achievable, but practically guaranteed.
Don't set yourself up for failure by expecting too much too soon. Becoming a world-famous lawyer or soccer player isn't a single step process. Attaining mastery of anything happens in stages, and each of those stages may have lesser stages required to accomplish it. Each of these stages will take time. Don't try to be the world's greatest singer by walking out onto a stage and singing. Singing lessons can make naturally good singers into great singers, as can understanding all the complex frequencies and methods of producing sounds, and how others great singers mastered their talent and made it their superpower.
Having a superpower isn't the same as profiting from your superpower. If you are the world's best accountant, and you spend your life digging ditches, then few will know of your superpower. You don't just need to develop your superpower, you need to make it pay off.
This document does not cover all the methods known to attain mastery of a talent. In truth, no one book covers them all, because each talent has multiple paths to make them a true superpower, and one of your first goals is to seek out experts in the talent that you want to convert into your superpower. Chances are, numerous experts will have different paths toward mastery of their talent, and you must learn them all, then choose the one that works best for you.
I have left this section for my last words, as it is the most important. Whether you are six years old, as I was when I was diagnosed ADHD, or sixty years old, as I am today, impulse control will be a constant challenge. Some impulses are detrimental, and you must control yourself to resist them. Some impulses are beneficial, such as the impulse to put more effort into attaining the next step of your goals - these impulses may not occur naturally, or not frequently enough, and part of impulse control is forcing into your mind the impulses that are good for you. In either case, you must become the master of your impulses, and choose which ones you want to have and react to.
Impulse control is the key to managing your anger, resisting risky actions, discovering your talents, choosing your goals, gaining and mastering the skills that you need, and turning your talent into a superpower. You can do it, and you have one final advantage; so many 'normal people' think that ADHD is a disability or a disadvantage that they will be doubly impressed when you master achievements that their slower methods of thinking might find too daunting to contemplate.
ADHD people are masters of accomplishing tasks. Civilization would never have gotten off the ground if not for our skills at protecting and feeding the primitive tribes that evolved into civilizations. I believe that ADHD people, developing our talents into superpowers, will be what propels mankind into an even-better future.
Good Luck! Have a wonderful ADHD life!
Yours truly,
---Jay Palmer, Author
