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Professor Wandsore's Techniques to Improve Your Spellcasting! Improve your wand movements! New and amazing spells and potions! Tips on dueling! And ... the seven uses of frogspawn! Dedications: I dedicate this grimoire to all of the lovely ladies of Madam Zintha's Private School for Witches - practitioners of the best magic of all! Special thanks to all of those wizards and witches from Gryffonsdale, and especially my mates at The Broken Wand Inn who buy me Firewhisky in exchange for my magical assistance and advice. May your wallets never close! Introduction: For those unlucky few who don't know me, I was raised in secret and trained by my parents, Sybillia and Lubris, to whom I literally owe everything, before I was allowed to attend school. My parents were powerful dark wizards, but they refused to prostrate themselves before a certain wizard and went into hiding when he rose to power. Since then I have toured the world and lectured at many of the most-famous schools of witchcraft and wizardry, including in Asia, Africa, Europe, and America. As I write this, I am eagerly planning my first trip to South America; I have learned Portuguese, but still can't samba. My travels have proven to me that most witches and wizards have only the basic idea of how to use magic properly. What they fail to grasp are the little nuances that make all magic wondrous. Even the simplest spells can be accomplished better and easier with a few minor adjustments and the inclusion of style. All of the spells and potions in this handbook are of my own design with emphasis on the artistry that embellishes and enhances all spell-work. If these lessons improve your satisfaction with your own magic, then I hope that you will share my lessons with your friends. 14 years ago the lovely Lorie LeLarva agreed to be my wife and we've shared a secret abode ever since. A portal to our doorway stands in Gryffonsdale, which we call our home and where I offer private tutoring sessions at very reasonable prices. For inquires, see my regular advertisement on the back of The Quibbler. May all of your owls be happy owls! -- Fergus Wandsore Improved Wand Movements: As everyone knows, there are five basic wand movements:
These are not the only wand movements, yet these basics must be mastered before the more complex movements may be safely attempted. I am always frustrated when I see wizards and witches who merely raise their wand, slash it downwards, and point at their target; this is the sign of an amateur or just plain laziness. Always use the correct wand movement for maximum effect. Herein I will point out some wand nuances that few spell-casters ever master. Twirl and Point: Used for the most-delicate forms of magic, Twirl and Point is designed for detailed work where precision is required. Legends say that Twirl and Point was first used to remove egg shell fragments from a fussy wizard's breakfast. Twirl and Point can be used for alchemy, separating liquids, and is the most-common wand movement for healing spells. But with these fine points, all of your spells will work better:
Circle and Whip: Used for wide-area spells, such as weather modification, mass-levitation, and spells of protection. Cleaning spells directed at entire rooms are cast using Circle and Whip. These spells are some of the hardest as most require the caster to focus on more than one object simultaneously.
Quick-Draw: Used for jinxes and duelling, Quick-Draw is the fastest wand movement to effect a powerful result. Everyone should perfect their Quick-Draw to protect themselves, in case they are ever attacked. Quick-Draws only have one drawback: powerful spells, even those using Quick-Draw, take time to cast with maximum power. On the otherhand, speed in a duel is often more important than power.
Swish and Flick: Used for general spell-work, including single-object levitation, illumination, and basic enchantments. Swish and Flick is the most basic of all wand movements; thus it is the most ill-performed. The correct movement pattern, like an orchestral conductor directing music with his baton, can instantly double the power and longevity of your spells.
Basic Twitch: Used for the most basic spells and for complex transfigurations, Basic Twitches are the most misunderstood of all wand movements. The Basic Twitch isn't the start of the spell; the spell has to be formed as strong as a physical fist in the mind of the caster before the Basic Twitch unleashes its power. Without force-of-mind, a twitch barely has the strength to summon a feather quill.
Wandsore's New Wand Movements: These are three new wand movements that I have invented and found most useful. Each is a variation providing more powerful and long-lasting spells.
Important: Take greatest care when developing new magic! New wand movements are especially dangerous to develop as their results are never clear. When the spell will cast, what target it will focus on, and how powerful its effects will be are but part of the dangers that experimenters face. Never forget Alfino Wartspewer, who attempted to turn his enemy into a frog and spent the rest of his life on a lily pad! Flicker and Point: Used in Severing Charms, Divination, and Banishing Illusions. Flicker and Point is most effective when used for anything that requires the sweeping away of the bad to reveal the good. I discovered Flicker and Point while trying to clean spilled ink off my Potions NEWT and a fly landed on my wand's tip. I got an Outstanding on my Potions NEWT and the fly got a bath in my multi-colored inkwell.
5-Point Lightning Bolt: Used in Stunning, Casting lightning bolts, and Summoning huge fires. Maximum power can be yours using the 5-Point Lightning Bolt wand movement. Be warned: the 5-Point Lightning Bolt takes longer to cast than a Quick-Draw, but its results are infinitely stronger. Only use the 5-Point Lightning Bolt wand movement on something that you want to destroy!
In a duel, only use the 5-Point Lightning Bolt wand movement after you have summoned a powerful shield to allow you to survive until it is cast. I have never lost a duel in which I successfully used a 5-Point Lightning Bolt.
To cast a 5-Point Lightning Bolt, simply draw a 'Z' in the air, pull your wand-tip over your shoulder, fling its point at your target, and celebrate your victory!
Clenched Sword-Grip: Used for deflecting jinxes, redirecting solid attacks (objects hurled at you), and defending against large creatures attempting to bite you. Maximum defensive power can be maintained using the Clenched Sword-Grip wand movement.
Warning: The Clenched Sword-Grip can't cast an offensive spell. I have found that it is best used to reserve my strength while my opponent tires themselves out, at which point I can use a Quick-Draw to counter-attack.
Loving Wand Care: The wand may choose the wizard, but the wizard must care for their wand, not only as a tool, but as a friend.
"Wands are like family," quotes noted spell-maker Brewetta Cauldronbutt. "The nicer you are to your wand the nicer it will be to you."
A tool may be cast into an old, cluttered drawer when it isn't required, but a neglected wand will never produce the fine control or power of a wand cared for with respect. Have a padded, elegant stand for your wand when you're not using it, and use lots of polish to keep it from getting scratched. Value your wand as you value your life, if you would rely upon it to defend you. Wandsore's Custom Spells: These spells are all of my own design. Please use them freely, but carefully. Llama Ears: Embarrassingly enough, I discovered this rather useful spell while attempting to improve my own hearing, which has always been abysmal. The result is absolutely ludicrous: having large, slender, fuzzy Llama Ears suddenly poking out of the sides of your head.
Obviously Llama Ears can be used as a prank, but I once used it quite successfully in a duel. At first my opponent laughed, thinking that I had cast a totally useless spell. Then I yelled; witches aren't used to having their sense of hearing suddenly magnified to the degree of llama-hearing, and she collapsed, pressing her hands over her elongated ears and writhing in pain.
I still use Llama Ears on myself when I'm at home and want to listen to American old country music and enjoy every note of classics like "Snakey-faky fart" by Glum Spooks and "9+2=5" by Folly Bigguns.
Casting Llama Ears:
Llama Ears is a relatively easy spell to cast. To cast Llama Ears, concentrate on the face of a llama (which my dueling opponent closely resembled), point at each of your own ears once with your wand, and then use the Quick-Draw movement followed by a twitch. At the moment of the twitch, shout the charm "Llamabast" as loudly as you can.
For pranks, this can be done silently or from a distance, but the ears will be shorter and the same color as your victim's hair. Close range and loudness are required to give Llama Ears longevity and maximum comic effect. Flames into Soap Bubbles: Being engulfed in magical flames can cause you to lose a duel in a most unfortunate manner. Flames into Soap Bubbles can convert a deadly spell into harmless, gleaming spheres of soapy water and air, even if its source is Dragon-fire. This has a second advantage in a duel; the cloud of soap bubbles is so thick that it often hides you from your opponent's sight, allowing Apparition without being seen.
Other uses include the suppression of forest fires, although this takes a great deal of concentration. While camping, dirty hands can be cleaned over a campfire using Flames into Soap Bubbles. Where all of the light is from candles or torches, Flames into Soap Bubbles can extinguish the lights without resorting to a dangerous Curse of Night.
Casting Flames into Soap Bubbles:
Flames into Soap Bubbles is easy to cast for some, harder for others. To cast Flames into Soap Bubbles, you must recall a memory that always makes you laugh; not dark, wicked laughter but light, carefree peals of mirth. Many find humor difficult to recall while facing an opponent's curses or dragon-breath.
The longer that you can maintain your funny thought the longer your spell will last. Candle flames may actually extinguish if your thought is truly funny.
With your amusing memory fixed in your mind, move your wand in a Twirl and Point motion and recite the charm "Scrubbly-bubbly!". If you can smile while you say this then its effect will be increased. I once made an aged black Russian Harbinger choke on the soap bubbles spewing out of his many-fanged maw, which gave me sufficient time to apparate to a safer, dragon-free location. Unfortunately, several members of the Department of Magical Enforcement witnessed this and I was forced to return a valuable dragon's egg. Straw into Bricks: All of my life I've wanted to turn straw into gold, but sadly, I've never managed it. I've succeeded in turning straw into cat's whiskers, pipe cleaners, and blackened ash, the latter only when I accidentally caught it on fire. But my only useful attempt has turned the straw into bricks.
Many experts in Transfiguration may find this unnecessary, but for most of us, a small field of straw can produce enough bricks to build a large structure; my castle was built of straw-turned-to-bricks, and it has lasted eighteen years, so I suspect that its effects are permanent.
With a little levitation and some Permanent Sticking Charms, you can use this spell to build yourself a sturdy castle anywhere at no cost whatsoever.
Casting Straw into Bricks:
Making one brick is relatively easy and requires only a Basic Twitch. Making enough bricks to build your own castle is far more complicated and requires a large field overgrown with straw. Hay works best, but common grass and weeds will suffice. Hard thoughts are required to make hard bricks, so you must concentrate with all of your might upon the object that you desire to create. Focus on your brick's density, size, shape, and appearance as you cast.
For best results, practice making one brick until you have the form and color that you desire. Interlocking bricks may make a stronger building, but be sure to make brick-covers so that your castle doesn't look like a Muggle Lego creation. Remember to allow room for fireplaces, plumbing, and ventilation; a castle without windows, heating, or bathrooms may not be your ideal home.
To cast Straw into Bricks, recite the chant "Plasto-masto!" three times and then use the Circle and Whip wand movement. Be sure to stand back at least fifty feet; your bricks will pile as high as they can, depending on the diameter of your wand movement, and you don't want them materialising on top of you. Dinkle Tinkle: This was the first spell that I ever invented, which I managed when I was only 13, on my arch-rival for the village playground, Goswald "Gopher-butt" Butskull. Young G.B. earned a hilarious reputation for an uncontrolled bladder and became a favorite target of the neighborhood bullies before my causality of his frequently-ruined undergarments was discovered. I got into a great deal of trouble for this, but its rewards were infinitely worth my punishments.
I have always suspected that my success with Dinkle Tinkle influenced my career in magical development and experimentation. It's funny when we think back to all of our childhood traumas and maledictions and compare how they affected us; there must be a reason why we remember those incidents when so many have been forgotten. G.B. also suffers from childhood trauma; most of the spells of protection cast upon my castle exist to protect me from his frequent curses.
Casting Dinkle Tinkle:
As I said, this is only for childish pranks, but Dinkle Tinkle was the first spell ever created using the Flicker and twitch wand movement; for that reason alone it deserves to be immortalised.
Before casting, bring to your mind a feeling of all-over wetness, of being soaked to the skin, and then picture (in this order) a rushing river, a large waterfall, and a gushing fire-hose.
To cast Dinkle Tinkle, perform the Flicker and twitch wand movement, preferably from a nearby hiding place. As you twitch, whisper in a high-pitched sing-song voice "Twinkle-dinkle-little-tinkle". Match the last syllable with the twitch gesture. Keep the feeling of wetness in your mind until you see the horrified and ashamed expression on the face of your victim.
Mind you, this minor jinx may cause major repercussions. Should you be identified as the caster, your victim will likely retaliate with much more-dangerous spells; be prepared to defend yourself immediately and indefinitely. Trouble Bubble: The Trouble Bubble is the secret of my success, although it is neither easy nor cheap. The Trouble Bubble is a brief experimentation sphere that exists outside of normal reality and only lasts for one minute before it pops. When a Trouble Bubble pops, its temporary time bubble fails and everything goes back to normal, as it was before the Trouble Bubble appeared.
Many people thought that this made it pointless, as it only lasts 60 seconds, and anything done inside of it becomes undone when it pops. However, this environment makes dangerous magical experimentation safe; I've never killed myself and have no desire to risk it, but I've gotten badly hurt by failed experiments within a Trouble Bubble. Then, when it pops, I'm standing there unharmed as if the experiment hadn't yet happened; I only vaguely recall what happened inside the Trouble Bubble, but I highly recommend it for all magical experimentation.
Casting Trouble Bubble:
Acquiring 3 ounces of the Sands of Time is neither easy nor cheap, thus I perform this spell only when I fear dire consequences of a spell-gone-wrong. Before casting, you must pour 3 ounces of the Sands of Time onto a smooth, level floor in a circle just big enough for your feet. If you want to include something inside your Trouble Bubble, such as your work-table, just pour the circle beside it. 3 ounces are enough to create a Trouble Bubble with a radius of 8 feet; larger bubbles require exponentially more Sands of Time.
With your wand and everything that you need to cast your experimental spell, stand inside the circle and point your wand toward the ceiling directly over your head. Think of a fantastical impossibility, something that could never exist, but don't focus over-much; try to drift into a dreamy state.
To cast Trouble Bubble, use the 5 point lightning bolt wand movement and point strongly at the circle around your feet. Shout "Chronos-Fantasticus!" very loudly, as if barking a command. The Sands of Time will transfigure into a Trouble Bubble.
Remember, you only have 60 seconds before your Trouble Bubble will pop, so be ready to cast your experimental spell right away. Have a quill and parchment to write down the results, which will briefly remain in your mind like a fading dream. Once the memory is gone, it's gone. Everdumb: Of all the spells that I've ever invented, this is the only one that I regret. Never use Everdumb as a prank! Death would be preferable; there is no cure. Everdumb doesn't confuse or impede brain function; Everdumb switches major evaluation choices, making the worst option always appear as the best. Given a choice between arriving on time and playing one more hand of "Spell-Backfire", an Everdumb victim will miss their own wedding or birthday party every time.
Everdumb is hard to detect as victims can answer intelligent questions and dress themselves without help; only their major-decision-making process is affected. Used successfully in a duel, your opponent is most-likely to curse themselves or gift you with additional protections, but as it requires the 5 point lightning bolt wand movement, it is difficult to cast quickly.
My only reason for including this dangerous spell is Dameon Feeblerot, a young man who had been making bad decisions since he was six, and who begged me to cast this spell on him. He is now a successful and well-respected art dealer with offices around the world, and my castle is filled with the most-artistic living sculptures, gifts of his boundless gratitude.
Casting Everdumb:
Confusion is the only requirement of Everdumb. Concentrate on something that always confuses you, such as relativity, the job qualifications of an elected official, or the thoughts of the opposite sex. The more-confused your thoughts, the more confounded your victim will be.
Everdumb is best cast at close range, less than five paces apart. Always be sure of your target, and be mindful that Everdumb is under review by the Ministry of Magic as a candidate for a new Unforgivable Curse, so check your local statutes before risking Azkaban ... and in any case, don't tell them you got the spell from me.
To cast Everdumb, use the 5 point lightning bolt wand movement. There are five phrases in the incantation; one must be spoken at each point of your 5 wand movements. The incantation is "Everdumb - mental-numb - choices-doomed - worst - one!" The last word must be spoken with excessive vehemence to insure a lifelong duration. Wandsore's Custom Potions: These potions are all of my own design. Most wizards and witches use water created from their wands for their spells, but I have found that wishing-well water provides the best basic component, although melted glacier ice will suffice, assuming that any glaciers are left by the time that this book is published. Mutual Love: The problem with most love charms, spells, and potions is that they are one-sided. Love is not a trivial undertaking; having one person sour upon love while the other is steadfast and devout causes more pain than the Cruciatus curse. To ensure that the caster is serious about their affection, I've invented Mutual Love, a potion which is only triggered when two people have drunk from the same cauldron. Harmless until then, Mutual Love can last from a weekend up to three months, by which time real love will have overpowered it or the couple will simultaneously realise they hate each other; not even a Seer can accurately predict which of these two outcomes will occur.
Still, I recommend that great care be used. Emotions in witches and wizards are powerful and often uncontrollable. Long-term relationships can be ruined by Mutual Love. Never forget the famous Coco Mugwart and Darnel, her beloved husband of forty years, who shared a small vial of Mutual Love on their way to a tropical second honeymoon, and the consequences of their week-later duel, which the Muggles mistook for a volcanic eruption.
Brewing Mutual Love:
Ingredients:
Process:
Mystic Muck: No potion has ever made me as much money as Mystic Muck. I didn't invent Mystic Muck on purpose; my first laboratory was very tiny and I was trying to develop several potions simultaneously. Foolishly attempting to slip between cramped experiments, I spilled a flagon of All-mage Amorphous Foe-seeker into a cauldron of half-brewed Master Fumblefinger's Magical Stain Remover. The result was a living blob of white gelatine that crawled around looking for dirt and scrubed it away; I got a five thousand galleons advance and still get three sickles for every quart sold.
The problem with Mystic Muck is that it never stops cleaning; liberal usage can be dangerous. I was wearing my favorite silver and green robe when I noticed that my shoes had gotten muddy; thinking quickly, I liberally poured Mystic Muck over my shoes, and the animated gelatine slid across my shoes and scrubbed them until they shined. However, not having used itself up, the remainder swarmed up over my clothes, my body, and my face; after several uncomfortable minutes, I stood scrubbed cleaner than I had ever felt in my life, and both my dark hair and my silver-and-green robe were scrubbed color-free, leaving both a spotless white: I suddenly looked fifty years older than I was. Remember: the best way to clean with Mystic Muck is using one drop at a time.
Brewing Mystic Muck:
Ingredients:
Process:
Angel Wings: Few potions are as difficult for a Dark wizard as Angel Wings. Purity of thought is the prime ingredient, which for jaded, old me is hard to maintain long enough to brew Angel Wings.
A vial of Angel Wings is easier to carry than a broom for those times when height or distance becomes an unexpected obstacle. I once was levitated into the branches of a tall redwood after losing my wand in a childish duel; my school-friends were amazed and delighted when I suddenly sprouted massive white wings, swooped down upon my foe, and carried him half-way across an almost-frozen lake.
To be honest, there's no feeling as wonderful as flying with your own wings. Once I made a huge cauldron-full, and then hosted an afternoon tea party and served Angel Wings to all of my guests; never have so many people had so much fun at a party. Also, Angel Wings are easy to disperse: Angel Wings vanish with a single impure thought. Many witches have made a fun game of drinking Angel Wings and seeing who can keep them the longest.
Brewing Angel Wings:
Ingredients:
Process:
1. During the dark of the moon, wash yourself and all of your tools, put on a clean robe, and banish all impure thoughts. (Thinking about happy clouds in a bright blue sky helps.)
2. Fill your cauldron with snow that has never touched the ground; apply heat and stir counter-clockwise until the snow melts.
3. Add a diamond in which pure sunlight has been trapped; the potion will start to glow.
4. Shred every hair from 3 feathers from a cherub's wings directly into the potion.
5. Mix in a fluffy handful of unicorn mane.
6. Stir clockwise seven times, then counter-clockwise twice, and repeat this pattern five times.
7. Cover your cauldron and bury it in the middle of a graveyard for two weeks.
8. In the light of a full moon, dig up your cauldron and place it over a fire until it boils; the potion will turn a sickly green and stink like rotting seaweed.
9. Add 2 pinches of the dust of a guardian spirit; thick blue smoke will rise from your potion.
10. Drop in 1 hair of an albino satyr and cover; your potion will splash like waves upon the sea.
11. When the crashes lessen, add the tears of a broken heart; the potion will still and emit the sounds of crying.
12. Slowly drip in 5 drops of a virgin's blood; the crying will cease and the potion will turn perfectly clear.
13. Place in vials to prevent rapid evaporation. Tips on Duelling: As you know, all magic derives from singular concentration. Few can concentrate on more than one idea at a time, so remember these facts:
A wise duellist doesn't try to decide which spells they will use while they are fighting for their lives; an experienced duellist will have several carefully-planned spell strategies prepared for any duel. Combinations should be planned like this:
Having planned-attacks/defences allow for faster reactions and less confusion. Remember these thoughts when you plan your duelling strategies:
Best of luck to you all, and remember that the worst duellists seldom give notice before attacking; the best defence is to turn your opponents into warty toads and snap their wands before they try to jinx you.
Remember: Never leave a defeated opponent with a working wand! The Seven Uses of Frogspawn: As promised, here they are! Frogspawn is one of the oldest and most-common ingredients of potions, but few realize all of the possibilities of its uses:
1. Grow frogs.
2. Salve to cure scale-rot on reptiles and fish.
3. Blend into a thin liquid and apply to the underside of the tongue to increase your vocabulary.
4. Grow hair on fishing poles (great for ice fishing!).
5. Paint the floors of hallways to make people slip.
6. Coat the shell to turn tortoises into aardvarks.
7. Salt and serve on thin wheat crackers at parties.
My Exciting Next Edition: I am currently perfecting some exciting new magics for my next volume of Professor Fergus Wandsore's Wondrous Book Of Magic. These include:
New Spells:
Salamander Hailstorm
Dancing Hair
Crab-claw Hands
Find Anything!
Endless Marbles Hiccups
Inverted Nose
New Potions:
Drink Anything Draft
Elixir of Adoration
Syrup of Mummification
Dream Tonic
Special Features:
Earn Galleons from Common Spells
Charms to Win Any Argument
Poltergeist Extraction
Thanks to all my loyal readers for purchasing my book, which is being released even to the Muggle world as a novelty item. Please forward to me any scrolls, photos, or spells and potions of your own creation. Become my FB friend and receive a free mermaid's tail!
Remember: if your wand never gets sore then you're not using it enough!
Sincerely,
Professor Fergus Wandsore
Teacher of the Year, 2003
Order of Merlin, 3rd class
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Twirl and Point